


maybe you've been suffering from a few too many plans that have gone wrong

by CosmoKid



Series: that was the river (this is the sea) [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Dyslexia, Episode: s06e05 The Gospel of Josephine, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I looked canon in the eye and walked backward into hell, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Platonic Cuddling, except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 11:37:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19084240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: He drums his fingers on the table, trying to ignore how deafening the silence is. “As much as I don’t want to spend all our time talking about Clarke, but why would they take her? Why her?”“Well, if they want to commit genocide against the people here, they’ve got the right person,” Murphy drawls, glancing at the pitcher of Hulos on the table. Bellamy looks between him and the drink and considers moving it. “The way they talk about the people out there makes it sound like they hate everyone here.”“No one knows about what happened on Earth apart from us,” he says and lets out a breath. “It’s more likely that it could be a nightblood thing. They have Becca’s symbol here.”a completely different take on s06e05





	maybe you've been suffering from a few too many plans that have gone wrong

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah im 100% not going with the posession storyline because ive seen so many versions of that and i dont think i have any way to make an original take on it. plus i think there are a lot more interesting on a tv show compared to in writing?
> 
>  
> 
> i actually kept the skeletons in because i just, i love that there are fucking skeletons, its so weird

_Bellamy_

He drums his fingers on the table, trying to ignore how deafening the silence is. “As much as I don’t want to spend all our time talking about Clarke, but why would they take her? Why her?”

“Well, if they want to commit genocide against the people here, they’ve got the right person,” Murphy drawls, glancing at the pitcher of Hulos on the table. Bellamy looks between him and the drink and considers moving it. “The way they talk about the people out there makes it sound like they hate everyone here.”

“No one knows about what happened on Earth apart from us,” he says and lets out a breath. “It’s more likely that it could be a nightblood thing. They have Becca’s symbol here.”

“But how would they know that Clarke is a nightblood?” Echo asks.

He drags his hand across his mouth and shrugs. “I don’t know. Cillian was the doctor, right? Maybe she got injured at some point yesterday, had to go see him or something?”

“But why would they take him? Was he a nightblood?”

“Well, he didn’t mention it when he bandaged up my hand,” Murphy says, his eyes still fixated on the pitcher. “Don’t suppose that’s weird though. Probably not something you mention when you’re bandaging someone up, _oh wow, your blood is red, funnily enough, mine isn’t._ ”

“He could still be a nightblood though,” he says and sighs. “If that’s even possible.”

Murphy hums, “Clarke was a healer, right? Back at the dropship? Could it be healers they’re taking?”

“Wouldn’t it be better to take Abby or Jackson though?” Echo points out, “They’re the ones in medical.”

“This makes no sense,” he says, eliciting noises of agreement and exhaustion from both of them. “Who even took them? Who are they?”

“The guy who tried to kidnap Delilah was strong, but he didn’t look like, you know, he looked a little underfed,” Murphy says and his voice breaks halfway through. Bellamy blinks, wishing Murphy would stop avoiding looking at either of them.

He glances at Echo who narrows her gaze before asking, “Why would they be underfed? They have the entire woods to feed themselves.”

“Who knows?” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I don’t think this is getting us anywhere at all. We don’t know anything.”

“What tipped you off about that, Bell?” Murphy asks, raising his eyebrows as his words drip with sarcasm. “The fact that we’re sat here talking in circles or how no one has told us anything since we got here. We were the guests of honor at Naming Day, but no one told us what that was. We helped save Delilah from being kidnapped, but they didn’t tell us why she was being kidnapped or who did it. I mean, Ryker told me that he’d explain what Naming Day is once the dance was over, but then he was nowhere to be found.”

“They’re hiding something,” Echo says and no one argues. There’s nothing to argue about. “Who even is Ryker?”

Murphy shrugs. “He’s a mechanic, I think and apparently a prime whatever that means.”

“Why were you dancing with him?” Bellamy asks, not expecting the words to come out sounding harsh. Echo sends him a look, but he has no idea how to respond.

“He asked me to,” Murphy says, finally turning to look at Bellamy. He looks cautious and yet confused.

“Right.”

“Well, he seems important,” Echo says, glancing between the two of them. It’s clear she has questions, but Bellamy already knows he has no answers. “He said only authorized people could leave so clearly he is. Primes could just be their word for council?”

“What kind of leadership do they even have here?” Murphy asks even though his eyes don’t leave Bellamy. “It feels like royalty with the way everyone seems to just obey Russell without question. Plus the way Simone reacted when you introduced yourself was a little over the top.”

“If it is royalty, how is it organized?” he asks and forces himself to look away from Murphy.

“Leadership of Azgeda was passed on by blood,” Echo tells them.

His eyebrows furrow, “I’d assume it would be the same here, but Delilah isn’t Russell and Simone’s daughter, is she?"

Echo bites her lip, “I don’t think so.”

“So, we have no idea how the leadership works here alongside having no idea how anything works here,” Murphy concludes, crossing his arms on the table. “We’ve been here four days, we’ve learned nothing and we’ve managed to lose at least three people.”

“We’re not safe here,” Echo says, “That’s the only thing we know.”

He shrugs. “Well, we’re not safe out there either.”

“And we’re back to not being safe anywhere. Wonderful,” Murphy says and sighs, pushing himself up off of his seat. “I’m going to go take a nap since we’re not getting anywhere here.”

It’s silent as Murphy walks away from them, heading toward the back of the room. They watch him camp out in one of the corners and lie down, using his hands as a makeshift pillow. He has a feeling that there’s a bed upstairs, but he’s much happier having Murphy in the same room as them, even if he’s out of earshot.

Although he can barely bring himself to care that Clarke is gone after everything that’s happened, he’s still scared that if he loses sight of anyone else, they’ll be gone next. He’s not losing Murphy, not after everything they went through to get here.

“Jealousy’s an interesting look on you, Bell,” Echo says in a quiet voice, making him jump.

He turns to look at her, feeling like a deer in headlights, “Jealousy?”

“I’m not blind,” she tells him. He expects her to look upset or angry, but she doesn’t. “I know you have feelings for Murphy. You’re not good at hiding it.”

“I,” he starts, but he has no words. He wants to deny it, but he knows she’s right, so he just stares at her as all coherent thought rushes out of his brain. An apology is on the tip of his tongue as well as explanations that aren’t really explanations, but all he manages to do is shrug. She rolls her eyes and smiles which confuses him even more. “Aren’t you upset?”

“Bell,” she says and leans across the table to entangle their hands. “I’m not upset.”

He blinks. “You’re not?”

She shakes her head, squeezing his hand. “Considering I have similar feelings, it would be-”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” she says and he has an urge to throw his arms around her in relief. “Maybe not as intense as you, but yeah.”

“Do you think Murphy feels the same?” he asks, feeling hope rise in him even though he knows everything is too complex to worry about things like that.

“Who knows?” She shrugs and glances at Murphy for a second before looking back at Bell. “Whatever feelings he has for anyone, they’re probably very complicated especially with whatever’s happening between him and Emori.”

“Does anyone even know what happened between them? I know some of what Emori said, but Murphy’s never really talked about it, at least not to me.”

“I don’t think they’re getting back together any time soon, but beyond that, I don’t know,” she says, a hint of a frown on her face. “I think she said some things that really hurt him, but I really don’t know.”

“Look at us, ten minutes ago, we were talking about how we’re not safe in this place and now we’re talking about relationships like we couldn’t just die any minute.”

She reaches across with her other hand to cup his face. “That’s how life was on the ground, we let ourselves love because we could die any minute. There was no time to waste.”

“I love you,” he says in a soft voice, leaning into her touch. “So much.”

“I love you too, Be-”

“Stop! Please! I don’t know anything!”

They’ve both jumped up to their feet before Bellamy’s even processed what’s happening. By the time he’s even realized that Murphy’s shouting in his sleep, they’re both crouched over him as he continues to shout. He’s kicking out in his sleep and he looks terrified.

“Murphy,” he says, reaching out to shake his shoulder. “Murphy, wake up!”

“No, no, please, please, I won’t, I won’t tell you, I won’t, please! Just leave me alone!”

Bellamy shakes his shoulder harder, more desperate. “Murphy, please.”

“Come on, wake up,” Echo says beside him, but he barely notices it. Murphy kicks out again, grazing his leg.

“Why isn’t he waking up?” he asks her, his eyes wide.

“I don’t know!”

“Murphy, wake up, please!”

“Leave me alone! Please!”

He leans closer, tightening his grip. “Murphy! Come one, wake up!”

Murphy hits out, shuffling back into the wall. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,Vonna , please. Please, don’t make me go back there, please, please, don’t do this, please.”

“Vonna?” Echo asks, turning to him. He shrugs. “Who’s Vonna?”

“I don’t, I don’t know, he’s never mentioned a Vonna. I don’t, why isn’t he waking up? Murphy, wake up, please! It’s Bellamy and Echo, wake up, please!”

“Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone!”

“Why isn’t he waking up? What do we do? Should we, I don’t know, throw water over him? What do we do?” he asks frantically. Echo just shrugs, looking just as hopeless.

“Murphy, wake up,” she says in a quieter voice, leaning closer to him. “Wake up please, for us, wake up? It’s okay, you can wake up, please.”

“Please,” Murphy says and he’s whimpering now. Bellamy’s eyes widen even more. “Please, please, Mom, please, wake up. Please, Mom, please. Wake up, Mom. You’re right, okay? You’re right. Is that what, is it, Mom, please. I’ll do better, I promise, please, please, wake up.”

“What do we do? How do we wake him up?” Echo asks again.

“I don’t know, we could, I don’t, maybe try hitting him?” he says, the words feeling wrong as he says. “Softly, just, I don’t know.”

Echo shakes her head, “I’m not hitting him.”

“How else do we wake him up?”

“I don’t know!”

“Murphy,” he says, turning back to him. “Come on, Murphy, wake up! Please, wake up, please.”

It feels surreal when Murphy’s eyes open. He sits up and it’s like everything is happening in slow motion. Bellamy sighs in relief, not letting go of Murphy’s shoulder. He grips tighter as Murphy looks between them, looking almost scared. “What happened?”

“You had a nightmare,” Echo murmurs. She takes a deep breath. “And you wouldn’t wake up. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Murphy says even though all three of them know he’s not. “I don’t, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, trying to keep his voice calm and level.

Murphy nods, “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m uh, I’m sorry I’m third-wheeling you right now and that I uh interrupted you with my nightmare.”

“There’s _nothing_ to apologise for,” Echo says immediately. Murphy raises his eyebrows, looking disbelieving. “We want you here, Murphy. You’re not third-wheeling.”

“I’m not?”

“No,” Bellamy says and feels a small smile grow on his face before he yawns, stretching his arms up.

Echo smiles at him, “You look tired, Bell. Maybe we should all just go to sleep for the night. I think we all need a rest after everything that’s happened today.”

He nods. “That sounds good.”

 

 

_Echo_

Her first thought when she wakes up is that the arm around her waist is far too skinny to be Bellamy’s. Her second is that there’s a crick in her neck and her third is that she and Bell have effectively trapped Murphy between them.

Not that he seems to mind. It is hard to tell based on his sleeping form, but he seems much more peaceful than earlier.

Neither he nor Bellamy are awake yet, meaning she can’t move without disturbing them. Their legs are tangled together and Murphy is sleeping on her arm. She can’t even make herself more comfortable without stirring them.

Part of her wants to anyway, but when she looks down at them snuggled up together, she can’t bring herself to. It makes her feel soft inside to see her boys like this, how adorable they look in moments of peace.

“Well,” Raven announces, not really shocking Echo as she walks in, followed by Shaw. She winks dramatically. “You guys seem comfortable.”

She snorts as she feels them stir. Murphy yawns, “Guess lockdown’s over then?”

“Ryker found us this morning to tell us, we told him we’d come find you so he wouldn’t have to,” Raven confirms as she takes a seat on one of the chairs. “Shaw has news for you.”

Echo sits up, “You do?”

“Yeah,” Shaw says and his voice a little shaky. He steps forward, nearer to Raven. “It took me a while to get access, but the ship has thermal radiation sensors. We should be able to use it to scan the forest for Octavia… and Clarke.”

“Oh,” Bellamy says, sounding miles away.

“Are you going to do it?” she asks, reaching over to grip Bell’s hand. “You could just as easily find others.”

“Or they could find you,” Murphy murmurs. She turns to him, raising a brow. “If they see a ship flying low over the forest, they’re going to know something’s up. Even if they don't know what exactly, that's going to raise suspicions of what we're doing. If they’ve got Octavia or Clarke, that could spur them into harming them, or killing them.”

“That is if we assume that they’re a threat to us,” Bellamy points out.

“Well, they did kidnap Clarke,” Raven says and crosses her arms, leaning back. “It might not be bad in our books, but objectively, kidnapping is generally seen as threatening.”

Murphy breathes in beside her. “The guy from the other night told me he’d let me go if I stopped fighting. It sounded like he didn’t actually want to kill me.”

“He still tried to,” Shaw says and moves to grip the back of Raven’s chair. “He mentioned something about choosing the wrong side.”

“Tell me we didn’t walk straight into a civil war,” Murphy says and no one can really say anything. They all know they probably have done exactly that.

“Do you think these people were originally from Sanctum?” Raven asks.

Echo shrugs. “It would make sense, but why would you choose to leave this place? Here is the only place that seems safe from the psychosis thing.”

“They could have been cast out like Diyoza,” Shaw suggests.

“Or they could have left because of whatever they’re hiding here,” Murphy says.

Bellamy sighs. “Whatever it is, we need to keep it secret that we know anything. We can’t risk them being suspicious of us.”

“Speaking of,” Raven says and stands up. “Whoever mans the field has offered to teach me and Emori how to make radiation shields if any of you want to join. Murphy?”

“I think I’d rather eat my own foot,” Murphy says and she stifles a laugh.

“I’ll go,” she offers, pushing herself up to her feet. “Doubt I’ll understand any of it, but I can at least try.”

“You want to get changed before?” Raven asks and raises an eyebrow. “Not that you don’t look great in that dress, but I can’t imagine it’s something you can fight in.”

She cocks her head to the side. “I can fight in anything, but yeah, I would prefer to be in my normal clothes. Wait for me while I go get changed?”

 

-/-/--/-/-

 

“So you think it’s actually the radiation fences Murphy doesn’t want to deal with or do you think he just doesn’t want to talk to Emori?” Raven asks.

She raises her eyebrows, “Is that was passes as a hello these days?”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“Because we both know the answer.”

Raven sighs, “Neither of them will talk about it. Emori keeps saying Murphy’s being stubborn and unfair, and Murphy… I don’t even know. He just says the absolute minimum and never goes further.”

“Well, we know something happened on the ring,” she says and motions for Raven to start walking to wherever they’re going. Raven nods. “And that Emori was bitter about it and Murphy was… torn up about it? I guess.”

“You know how much happier he was when it was just the two of us on the prison ship?” Raven says, dragging her hand down her face. “He was smiling, making jokes. I’d never seen him so happy. I just wish we could see him like that more.”

She nods and swallows. “I know, but I think before he can, he’s going to have to talk to Emori about everything and we’re going to have to be there to pick up the pieces.”

“And _we will be_. He just, I wish he’d just tell us so we could help.”

“Yeah. Watching him when he’s having a nightmare is like, it’s like seeing a whole new Murphy. He reacts to things that we have no idea existed.”

“Is that why you guys were all sleeping together this morning?” Raven asks, turning to look at Echo as they walk. She nods again. “He seems pretty comfortable with you guys. If I didn’t know you, I would have thought you were all dating."

She tries not to be thrown by the statement. “Him and Bell are both cuddlers.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Raven says and lets out a soft laugh. “Although I would have assumed that Murphy would just kind of, cling onto you entirely, you know?”

“Like a gorilla?”

“You know what gorillas are?”

“Yeah,” she says, throwing Raven an incredulous look. “There was a giant gorilla near TonDC that Nia would have us fight as one of the last parts of our training as spies.”

Raven stares at her for several seconds. “Should I even ask?”

“Uh… probably not.”

Then they’re both laughing and Echo can’t stop. Her face hurts and her sides ache, but she feels almost _giddy_. She can’t stop smiling as she laughs breathlessly. And just for a few moments, everything feels fine.

 

 

_Murphy_

He stares at the mirror, barely recognizing the person he’s looking at. His eyes are gaunt and his hair is stringy. There’s something rat-like his appearance and he guesses there’s something ratty about himself. Annoying, useless, worthless.

_Worthless._

He sighs and grips the edge of the sink. He needs to get a grip, get it together. He won’t be any use to anyone standing here feeling sorry for himself. He doesn’t need pity, doesn’t deserve it.

Dragging his hand down his face, he forces himself to breathe in and then out and then in and then out.

There’s no reason for him to panic, he doesn’t need to panic. He’s safe here, he’s fine. Safe and sound, he’s safe. He needs to stop panicking, he needs to stop, he’s _safe_.

And yet he only seems to feel safe when he’s with Bellamy or Echo. Having them on either side of him or just touching him makes him feel a thousand times better. He just wants them to be there for him all the time.

Emori’s right though. He can’t do that, can't expect that. He can’t just third wheel them for the rest of his life, they’ll get sick of him eventually. They’re probably sick of him now. They have to be. Of course they are, anyone would be sick of him by now.

All these stupid feelings he has for them need to go away. They don’t want him. Why would they want him? He’s useless and worthless and just a waste of space and air. He can’t do anything right. They’re both strong and talented and just great people, and they’re happy together. They don’t want him there. No one wants him there.

He can’t even get over things that aren’t even that bad. He has stupid nightmares that make them worry about him when there’s absolutely no reason to worry. He’s just a mess.

That’s all he is; a mess.

Maybe they should have just left him to die on Earth. What use will be here? He’ll probably just say something that offends everyone in Sanctum and get them kicked out like Clarke said he would. He could just go walk into the radiation shield and stop wasting their time. No one would need to worry about him if he was just _gone_.

He takes a deep breath and let’s go of the sink. He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself. He needs to just get himself together and start being useful.

Forcing himself to turn away from the mirror, he opens the bathroom door hesitantly. He can hear Shaw and Bellamy in a tense discussion. He glances at them and then at the back door, and then he’s walking out before he can even think about it even though he knows he’s taking care to be quiet.

Bellamy and Echo are going to get sick of him soon, he needs to stop bothering them. Emori was right. He just needs to leave them alone.

He walks in a bit of a daze, only noticing where he is when Madi calls out to him, “Murphy?”

“Hey Madi,” he says, forcing himself to speak in a cheery tone. “What are you doing here?”

Here appears to be where the lines of crops are, right near the radiation shield. He doesn’t look directly at it, he can’t.

“I want to go look for Clarke,” Madi says in a determined voice. The look on her face is very intense. “I can get through the radiation shield, I know how to take care of myself, but Gaia won’t let me go.”

“How do you even know there’s a radiation shield?” he asks and she just gives him a flat look. Okay then. “Trust me, kid, Gaia’s not doing it to annoy you, she just wants what’s best for you. Clarke will be fine, she’s strong.”

She rolls her eyes. “You don’t even like Clarke.”

Well, he can’t argue with that. He just shrugs, “Can you really blame me?”

“You could forgive her,” Madi says in a quiet voice, looking down at her feet.

He narrows his gaze. “She could apologize.”

“She thought she was doing the right thing,” Madi tells him and he can tell that she doesn’t really believe her words.

“That doesn’t mean she didn’t do the wrong thing,” he says and Madi just stares at him. He sighs, “Look, I get that she’s your Mom and that you love her, but you can still be upset with her for things.”

Madi doesn’t answer at first, just looking around before she murmurs, “She was trying to protect me.”

“I know.”

“And it didn’t hurt that bad.”

“What?” he asks, feeling warning bells go off in his head. “What didn’t hurt that bad?”

“The shock collar.”

He freezes, the words ringing in his ear. He can still feel the way it hurt on his neck. He swallows. “She put, _Clarke_ put a shock collar around your neck?”

“She was trying to protect me-”

“Madi,” he interrupts, crouching down so he’s at her level. “Listen to me, I know that you think she was trying to protect you by doing it, but she should never have put that on you. It’s not, it’s not good. You shouldn’t ever do that to anyone.”

She shakes her head, “She didn’t want to do it. She just wanted was best for me.”

“Electrocuting you isn’t what’s best for you,” he says and tries to keep his voice soft and calm despite how angry he feels. “You can say that it didn’t hurt that bad, but I know that it did because it hurt me so bad I couldn’t walk. You can admit that it hurt.”

“It hurt,” she admits in a whisper. He can see tears in the corners of her eyes. “It really hurt, but she’s… I love her, I, I can’t-”

He shakes his own head. “You can, Madi, you can be upset with her.”

“But she’s, she’s…” Madi starts, but she trails off.

“I know,” he says, his voice much softer. “I know. It’s okay if you’re upset, I promise, you’re allowed to be.”

“She’s family.”

“I know.”

“She’s, she’s my family, we’re family.”

“I know you are, I know.”

“It hurt… it hurt so much.”

“I know, it’s okay.”

“She hurt me,” Madi says and then she’s crying.

He pulls her into his arms, letting her collapse against him, gripping him so tight it hurts. “It’s okay, Madi, let it out, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I hate crying,” she murmurs and he lets out a soft laugh.

“Me too, kid.”

“Madi,” Gaia says and they both pull away as Gaia jogs toward them. He doesn’t really know her, but she seems a little trustworthy. “That’s where you got-, is everything okay here?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he says, standing up and petting Madi’s head.

Gaia raises her eyebrows, clearly not believing them. “What are you doing out here?”

“Madi asked me where they grow agrenyo so I said I’d show her,” he says, smiling at her. He feels Madi stiffen next to him.

“Right,” Gaia says and stands up straighter. She’s watching him with narrowed eyes. “You were Ontari’s flamekeeper, weren’t you?”

He swallows, “Uh, _fake_ flamekeeper.”

“Of course,” she says and nods. He nods as well, not sure what else to say. “Come on, Madi, we need to get back to your training.”

 

 

_Bellamy_

There’s something about the white walls of the medical areas that makes him feel unwelcome. Maybe it’s his instincts telling him he needs to run in the opposite direction or maybe it’s the fact that he just wants to gather up his family and leave Sanctum as soon as possible.

Running a hand through his hair, he wipes his jaw. It’s not like he has to be here for long, he only has one question to ask and then he can go back to the tavern or go find Echo or something. He wishes he could find Monty or Harper, he misses them so much. Maybe it’s just because he can’t ask him, but it feels like Monty would know exactly what to do in this situation. He’d at least have a clue what to do.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t know what to do at all. Part of him wants to find his sister, part of him wants to confront Russell, part of him wants to get on the ship and just fly away and part of him just wants to take a nap.

“Bellamy,” Abby says as soon as he pushes the door open. He glances around at everyone in the room, feeling the tension in the air. “Tell him that we need to go look for Clarke.”

“Uh,” he starts and he knows everyone is looking at him. Russell raises his eyebrows at him and Jackson just looks apologetic. He doesn’t know what to say. He wants to ask why it’s suddenly important now that it’s Clarke, but that’ll just start an argument. “I uh, I guess we need to consider all options.”

Abby’s gaze harshens. “Bellamy, my daughter is out there with dangerous people. We need to go find her.”

 _You weren’t saying that when it was Octavia_ , he thinks, but he doesn’t say it. It’s more complicated than that.

“I get that,” he says, trying to keep his voice level. “My sister is out there too, but we don’t know anything about these people. We need to trust that the people here know best.”

“We can’t just sit here and do nothing!”

He nods, “I know. I don’t like not being out there looking for them either, but getting ourselves killed won’t help Clarke or Octavia.”

“Bellamy’s right,” Russell says and he’s watching them carefully. Bellamy tries to relax his shoulders. “We’re doing everything we can to find your daughter, Dr. Griffin. I promise that I have my best people on it.”

Abby’s jaw clenches, but she nods. “Is that all you needed?”

“Yes,” Russell says and he looks a little like he’s a bit threatened by Abby which Bellamy can’t blame him for. Her eyes look a little crazed. “If you excuse me, I need to talk to Ryker.”

“Of course,” he says, but Russell’s already leaving before Bellamy can even finish. He blinks and then turns to face Abby and Jackson.

“What do you need, Bellamy?” Abby asks and she sounds very dismissive. He breathes out to try and keep himself calm and not annoyed. “Quickly, we’re busy here.”

“Right,” he says, readjusting his stance. “I was just wondering if there’s anything worrying about uh, if someone was having a nightmare and it was really difficult to wake them up, would that be something to worry about?”

She raises her eyebrows, almost as if she doesn’t believe that that’s his question. “Bellamy-”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Jackson interrupts, stepping forward and placing his hand on Abby’s shoulder. “Most likely, it’s just that they’re moving from REM sleep to stage three sleep or something similar. As long as you can wake them up, it’s all fine.”

“Okay. Thank you, Jackson.”

“Is that all you need?” Jackson asks and he nods. “Abby, you need to sleep. Even if it’s just a nap, it’s important that you get some sleep. You’ve been awake for twenty-seven hours.”

“I’ll sleep when we find a way to save Marcus,” Abby tells Jackson and slams the book on the table closed.

“You need to sleep, Abby, Kane’s not going anywhe-”

“And neither am I!” she snaps and turns to glare at Jackson. “I’m not going anywhere until we know how to save Marcus.”

Jackson takes a step back, watching her carefully, “Abby-”

“What, Jackson?” she asks, crossing her arms. “You want me to just abandon him? To let him die? I’m not doing that, Jackson, he deserves to live more than any of the rest of us. _We_ , we’re the ones who stood by Blodreina, we didn’t argue, we didn’t stop it. We didn't do _anything_ during the dark year. Marcus was the only one who disagreed, he’s the only one who stood up against her.”

“Abby, please-”

“No, Jackson, you know I’m right. We let her become Blodreina, we didn’t stop her. Marcus tried to. And now what? You want me to give up on him? We don’t deserve life, he does. I’m not letting him die. And if you’re not going to help, then get out.”

Bellamy watches them in silence and it feels like a bomb is about to go off in the room. Jackson looks near tears while Abby has a face like thunder. He’s so confused and lost and a little scared, really.

“Well?” Abby asks. He’s never heard her sound so angry. “Are you going to help or not?”

“I’m,” Jackson says, “I, uh, I…”

“Actually, I uh I think uh Shaw wanted to uh talk to you, Jackson,” Bellamy says, raising his eyebrows at Jackson. He knows he must look insane, he can feel just how wide his eyes are.

Jackson nods. “Oh uh, of course, um, where is he?”

“I’ll take you,” he says and Jackson nods again. Bellamy takes a breath and then opens the door so Jackson can slip out before him. He waits until the door is shut before he speaks again, “Sorry if I uh overstepped, I just, that didn’t look uh, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jackson says and lets out an almost bitter laugh. He rubs at eyes and sighs. “I just, I don’t know how to help her. She hasn’t slept in so long and she just keeps trying to find something to save Kane, but I’m not even sure there is a way. At most, we’ll have ten minutes to save him and what Abby has planned will take at least fifteen hours. He needs full kidney dialysis and just, so much more.”

He takes a deep breath. “You know it’s not your job to help her, right? You haven’t failed anyone if you can't get through to her.”

“When I became a Doctor, I took an oath to save anyone I could,” Jackson tells him and stares down at the ground. “I can’t just stand around and let Kane die.”

“You said it yourself, Jackson, you can’t save him,” he says in a soft voice.

“I know, I just… I don’t want to stand by the side and not do anything.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. I don’t want to stand around and do nothing while Clarke and Octavia are out there, but I know there’s nothing I can do that will actually be helpful, you know?”

“I just, part of me believes that Abby is right about Blodreina and the dark year, but I, I don’t know. I just, I want to do something this time.”

“The dark year?” he repeats, his brow furrowed. He can barely breathe.

Jackson stares at him and his eyes griw wider and wider. “Do you not-, did no one explain it?”

He shakes his head, feeling his stomach drop. “I, what? What’s the dark year?”

“I uh, I’ll explain it,” Jackson tells him, sounding out of breath somehow. “Just, it’ll be easier if we uh go somewhere more secluded. It’s a long story.”

 

 

_Echo_

They’ve been ‘learning’ about radiation shields for around an hour and a half when they hit a wall. Personally, Echo hit a wall probably fifteen minutes into it and decided to just hover at the back, letting Raven and Emori do the work.

She knows that she could feasibly understand the steps, if not how it works if she tried, but they’re moving faster than she can keep up and she doesn’t want to ask them to slow down for her. The bored and impatient look on Raven’s face makes her want that even less.

The lady explaining it, Mina, is small in stature and seems to have a constant frown etched onto her face. She stammers as she speaks, possibly due to just how fast she speaks. It feels as if she’s trying to get as many words out as possible before someone stops her even though none of them have any plans to. She also has a habit of wringing her hands as she talks which makes Echo a little uneasy.

It’s clear she knows what she’s talking about and yet she seems to be waiting for someone to tell her to shut up or to correct her.

“I uh,” Mina says, staring at the number pad on the wall like it’s about to come to life and attack her. “I forgot that Russell had the codes changed, right, of course, I uh I need to uh, n-need to g-go and uh ask for the new uh codes before we can uh, before we can do the next, next step.”

Raven nods. “Okay, should we wait for you here or should we come with you?”

“No, no,” Mina says, shaking her head frantically. Echo has to stop herself from stepping away from Mina. “You uh, you stay there, okay? I’ll be uh, I’ll be right back, I just need to find, to find one of the Primes for the, for the, for the code.”

“Sure,” Echo says slowly, nodding as Mina walks or more accurately runs away from them. She’s surprised she doesn’t trip over with how fast her legs are moving.

“Does anyone else find her unnerving?” Raven asks as soon as Mina is out of earshot which is not a long amount of time, unsurprisingly.

She raises her eyebrows. “You mean how she seems terrified every time she speaks or is it something else?”

“Well, I was going to bring up how she sounded like she was fearing the power of _something_ every time she said Russell’s name,” Raven says and shrugs. “But yeah, that’s a good point too.”

“Everyone seems terrified when they say Russell’s name,” she points out.

“Or like they’re talking about the savior of all people,” Emori adds.

“Sounds like someone we know,” Raven says sourly and lets out a loud huff. “Something is so wrong about this place.”

Emori snorts, kicking the dirt under her feet. “What tipped you off?”

She looks up from Emori’s feet to look at the castle at the top of the hill, her gaze narrowing as it comes into focus. “When was the last time someone went into the castle?”

“I haven’t seen the doors open since we got here,” Raven says and frowns. “Why?”

“They keep the doors locked there at all times. Whatever they’re hiding, it’s probably behind those doors.”

“Which are locked,” Emori says, raising her eyebrows and looks pretty critical.

She rolls her eyes. “The doors at the back are locked with a code and we’ve just seen her put in the old code. They changed it for the radiation shield because we got in, there’s a chance they haven’t changed it for the castle since it wasn't breached ny anyone.”

“So what? You want to just sneak in and look around?” Raven asks and Echo shrugs.

“It’s not like I’m any use here.”

Raven sighs. “Okay, so say you get in which is a longshot as it is, you don’t know what you’re looking for or what’s in there or _who’s_ in there. It’s not worth it.”

“I’m a spy, remember? I know how to find things and how not to be noticed,” she says, crossing her arms. “I’ve been doing this since I was fourteen-years-old. Trust me, I know how to do this.”

“And what do you expect to find?” Emori asks.

“I don’t know, but it’s going to be pretty helpful for us if we know what we’re dealing with.”

“You know Bellamy would kill you for this, right?” Raven asks her and she can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s in agreement with Echo despite her question.

“Which is why I’m not telling him until after,” she says and takes a deep breath. “Look, I’d hate it if he said he was going to do it or if any of you did, but I also know that what’s behind that door could be much more important than that.”

“Forget Bellamy, I’ll kill you if you get yourself caught,” Raven says and steps forward to pull Echo into a hug. She returns it, gripping the other girl tightly. “Be careful, please.”

“When am I not?”

Raven rolls her eyes as she pulls away. “You better come back to us by the end of the day.”

She nods and promises, “I will.”

 

-/-/--/-/-

 

The door creaks as it opens, making a noise that makes her want to clamp her hands over her ears and find somewhere to hide. She doesn’t though. Instead, she steels herself up and slips through the gap and into the room.

It’s completely empty inside, the only sound being the door shutting behind her. She takes a few seconds to breathe as her eyes adjust to the darkness of it all. Whatever lights exist in the room, she doesn’t know where they are and she wouldn’t turn them on if she did. There’s a good chance that the code being activated alerted someone to her being here, and if the lights are on when they come to check, it’ll be pretty clear that someone broke in.

She looks up and then down, and then starts to survey the room. There are skeletons lined up in some kind of formation which isn’t creepy at all. Walking on the tip of her toes, she approaches the nearest one.

It’s brown in color and it looks human. There’s one way to tell if it’s actually real, but she doesn’t really want to do it. Though she has no real choice and it could be useful information. Of course, it could turn out to be completely superfluous which means she would have licked a skeleton for no reason.

She sighs, leans forward and hesitantly presses the tip of her tongue to the shoulder. It sticks ever so slightly. It’s a real skeleton.

Which means they’re keeping some of their dead in a locked room for some reason. Nope, not creepy at all.

Running her hand through her hair, she steps away from the skeleton and heads further into the room. There doesn’t seem to be anything else in here, but it seems unlikely that they’d keep this room locked via code just to protect the skeletons. There has to be something else.

It feels like a long shot, but this entire thing is a long shot so she doesn’t even think about it when she starts skirting around the walls, pressing into them. And of course, just to make it even creepier, one of them actually opens into another room. Skeletons and secret rooms, of course. What else would you keep in a locked room?

The secret room is much smaller and all the walls are bright white which is somehow more unnerving than the skeletons. She takes a deep breath and walks in, heading straight to the desk at the back. The only other furnishing is a cabinet that seems to be locked.

There’s only a single sheet of paper on the desk and it takes a few seconds for her to be able to read the words. She knows how to read in Gonasleng (or English, she supposes), but she’s always struggled with reading in general. Nia insisted that she learn, as all spies do and despite all her struggles, she managed even if that came with a lot of punishments and beatings.

Still, it’s difficult. The letters seem to swim around on the page, making it hard for her to piece together all the words. Plus so many of the letters are similar, making it difficult for her to distinguish them. It would be useful if it was written in Trig, but it’s not. She closes her eyes and takes several deep breaths before focusing her eyes again, determined to make the words out.

It appears to be a list of names on one side, each followed by either a cross or a circle. She scans the page up and down, just able to make out the words _suitable for breeding_ at the top. Her stomach drops. What does that mean?

She scans the list, trying to see any names she recognizes. Her head is starting to hurt now and the names are looking blurry. She blinks several times, finally seeing Mina’s name on the list. It’s followed by a cross.

The cabinet looms next to her. The answers to all of her questions are probably in there. She rolls her shoulders back and turns at it, tugging at the handle. It’s locked, just like she thought. If she had her knife, she’d be able to get into it. She doesn’t though, she left it in their temporary room.

Taking a deep breath, she leaves the room and pushes the wall back into place. She can come back later and look more into it, but she needs to get out for now. She’s been here too long. She crosses to the door, walking just as quickly as Mina was earlier, and she’s never been happier to see the outside, even more so than when they first landed on the ground after six years in space.

There’s something terribly wrong here. She just wishes she could figure out more.

 

 

_Murphy_

“Hey Murphy, are you, are you in here?”

He jumps when he hears Bellamy’s voice, his brow furrowing when hears it crack. He swallows, glancing around the small room he was put up in, “Um, yeah, I’m up here, Bell.”

Bellamy seems to run up the stairs by the sound of it and Murphy stands up from his bed, feeling alarmed by it. When his door opens and Bellamy steps in, he’s completely taken aback. _Bellamy’s crying_. He has absolutely no idea what to say and asking if Bellamy is okay would be completely useless so instead he just holds out his arms, letting Bell fall into them. He always forgets how strong Bell is, especially when he’s holding on for dear life like he is now.

“Hey uh, Bell, you’re kind of suffocating me,” he murmurs, hoping it will make Bellamy laugh, but it lands on deaf ears. He takes a second to breathe before asking, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Bellamy says immediately, but when he pulls away, his face crumples a little. “No, no, I’m not. I’m sorry, I just-”

“Bell,” Murphy interrupts, looking up a little so he can look straight into Bellamy’s eyes. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry about, okay?”

“Okay.”

He nods, realizing he still has no idea what to do. “Do you uh want to sit down or do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s, it’s Octavia,” Bellamy says in a quiet voice. Murphy continues to nod and slowly leads Bellamy to sit on the bed. “She uh… Jackson told me what happened in the bunker and that uh, that the farm, the farm malfunctioned and… They were forced to eat the people who, who died in the fighting pit.”

Murphy has to bite his lip so he doesn’t react verbally. Fucking hell. He nods again, knowing Bellamy has more to say.

“She had to, Octavia had to force people to _eat other people._ Abby told her that there was no other choice and Octavia had to, she had to make it a crime if people didn’t eat it. She had to do that, Murphy, and I’ve been treating her like she wasn’t even my sister. I just, I can’t, I don’t know what to do.”

“Bell,” Murphy starts, keeping his voice as level as he can and his words soft. “What happened in the bunker doesn’t negate what she did. She still put you in a fighting pit and she still banished Echo. You can still be upset with her.”

“How?” Bellamy asks, wiping his eyes. Hesitantly, Murphy wraps his arm around Bellamy’s shoulders. “How do I do that?”

“I knew why my Mom drank, but that didn’t make it not hurt when she hit me. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when she-” He stops himself and takes a deep breath, feeling Bell’s eyes on him. “But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when she died.”

He forces himself to look at Bell who’s looking at him like he’s seeing him through new eyes. “You’ve never mentioned that before."

“Last time I told anyone, it didn’t go well so,” he says and shrugs. “Besides, we’re talking about you right now, not me.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “I’d rather talk about anything other than me.”

“Okay. What do you want to do instead?”

“I,” Bellamy starts, but he stops himself and shrugs. “I don’t know, can we just-, I don’t know, could we maybe just stay here and just…”

He trails off, leaving Murphy to try and piece together what he meant. His brow furrows, “I might be reading this wrong, but are you asking if we can cuddle on the bed together? Because that’s fine, Bell.”

“It is?”

“Yes,” he says and rolls his eyes. “I don't have much experience with family, but I'm pretty sure it's quite common to do that."

“Okay,” Bellamy says and Murphy can see a hint of a smile on his face.

It makes Murphy smile himself, “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
>  
> 
> come scream with me on [tumblr](https://listen-to-the-inner-walrus.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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